Breaking Free from Codependency in Parenting Adult Children

Written By Lauryn Wendus

Parenting doesn’t stop when children grow up. Many parents discover that even after their kids reach adulthood, the pull to “fix,” “rescue,” or stay deeply involved in their lives can be hard to let go of. While this comes from love and care, it can sometimes cross into codependency: a dynamic where boundaries become blurred, and both parent and adult child may struggle to grow independently.

What Codependency Looks Like with Adult Children

Codependency often develops slowly, showing up as:

  • Constant worry about your adult child’s choices or wellbeing

  • Difficulty saying “no” when they ask for financial or emotional help

  • Feeling guilty or anxious if you step back from their lives

  • Basing your own happiness on their approval, mood, or success

  • Struggling to enjoy your own life because you are preoccupied with theirs

If any of these feel familiar, you are not alone. Many parents find themselves in this place, especially when they have spent years caretaking.

Why It’s Hard to Step Back

It can feel unnatural to loosen the reins, especially if your child has faced challenges such as mental health struggles, relationship difficulties, or financial setbacks. Letting go may feel like abandoning them, but in reality, setting boundaries creates space for growth, resilience, and healthier relationships.

Shifting Toward Healthier Patterns

Therapy can help parents of adult children:

  • Understand the roots of codependent patterns

  • Learn how to set boundaries with compassion

  • Differentiate between healthy support and over-involvement

  • Reclaim personal joy, hobbies, and relationships outside of parenting

  • Build confidence in their child’s ability to navigate life

Finding a Way Forward

If you find yourself caught in cycles of over-giving, resentment, or worry, know that you don’t have to untangle these patterns alone. With guidance, it’s possible to create healthier boundaries while still maintaining a loving, connected relationship with your adult child.

At A Way Forward Counseling, I help parents navigate the challenges of redefining their role as their children grow. Together, we can find a path that honors your care as a parent while also allowing you to reclaim balance and peace in your own life.

Lauryn Wendus